Learn to love the ride

As cheesy as it gets life is a roller coaster. So is relationships, career, and love. When you pick up on the speed, it is first scary. You scream your lungs out. Then you realize the excitement and the rush. You get used to the danger and the speed. You enjoy the up. And then there comes the down. Well, its no fun. It feels like they are pulling your body down in an extreme speed while it is still trying to go up. There is a very heavy feeling in your chest and almost crushing your heart. It is not always a steep down. Sometimes its like a little bump that throws you off of your seat slightly. You try to settle back until the next one. That is if you can.

But if you ride the roller coaster over and over again, you don't close your eyes anymore when it is speeding up. A little "whoa" comes between your lips but you won't be screaming like the first time. You are now prepared for the bumps and downs. You position yourself. You know what to do or not to do the next time not to lose your balance.

Your goal might challenge you, running after the dream job might burn you out, the love might emotionally bring you up or bring you down. Nothing in life is actually consistent. Nothing is ever all good at the same time altogether. How you want to roll with this is entirely up to you. I sometimes feel that I am strong and can survive anything; at times feel really tired of all and want a break from life (and all the subset of things). I don't think what to do is a straight forward answer. I can't pretend something is not bothering me when it is eating me up inside. I am not the type of person (unfortunately) who can just ignore things and say fuck it. 

Thats why I am a strong believer in communication. For all the aspects of life. If there is a bump ahead of me at work, it will help me to know what is the situation that sets the dynamics, what are the options, what is the bet. If the relationship with my friends/boyfriend feels like it is lacking something, I prefer to talk the person directly, voice what feels like a problem. Most of the time it turns out what I think is the problem, is not an issue after all; just a communication breakdown. It just requieres clarification.

So if you know there will be a ride in advance, if you at least know what you can expect, know at which turn the crazy upside down part comes up and at which point the roller coaster will go down at the craziest speed, you will set yourself for it. You will know there will be the part you'll enjoy the hell out of it. 

What stopping my yoga practices taught me

Yoga has been the most self-teaching tool, idea, light, way in my life. Writing this post right after my practice on my matt should compliment that belief.

How yoga became a big part of me and when I realized all the teaching yoga kept inside was little over a year ago when I had to travel to India for work. I was supposed to spend two weeks, my main goal being training other people. Until then, I used to practice what you can sort of call yoga once a week. India was overall a transformative travel that marks an important place in my life. It hugely owes this reputation to yoga. 

Right before my travel and having read "Eat, Pray, Love", I was determined to find a yoga studio, or even a small retreat. Going through pages of search results in the internet, I saved couple places I put my mind to visit. I was thinking perhaps I will do yoga once or twice during my stay in India. 

The first day after visiting our office and coming back to my fairy tale like hotel (actually palace), I went for a run on the treadmill. I was not too excited about the treadmill as a person who likes running outside; but oh well. On my way back from gym, I saw this post hanging on the wall. It said yoga - studio by the near the pool - at 5:30 am. Yes 5:30. Yes AM. I thought that is way too early for any kind of exercise. But it was right there. It would be very convenient. Decided to give it a shot the next morning.

Barely making myself out of the bed, I showed up 2 minutes before the class. It was right at dawn, little cool, but by no means cold, very fresh air. The studio as described was overlooking at the pool, all glass windows on the side. Not too big. Maybe for 6-7 people max. Another guy showed up right after our teacher arrived. Starting from that day, that morning, that was it. Every morning I happily made myself be ready for our practice at dawn, with birds singing at the background.

Over the two weeks I spent there, I realized how much I manage to accomplish and that I am more capable than I thought. How even in the most challenging positions I was able to keep calm like there is no struggle. I saw how my body and soul felt better. There was serenity and happiness. I literally felt like a super woman, like nothing really can get to me. Because I found the power within me. 

After my India trip I kept practicing. Like almost everyday. Some days twice perhaps. I couldn't get enough of how it made me feel. Recently, however, due to so many reasons I haven't been able to practice. Not because I was done with yoga, not even close. I was busy running a half-marathon, taking advantage of beautiful Californian weather to do all outdoorsy activities. Then the moment came when I realized how much I missed yoga and I started practicing again. Thats when it hit me. All the things I could easily do, all the asanas were harder now. I wasn't as flexible. I wasn't as strong. My level deteriorated. I was disappointed in myself. This came as another teaching itself too. In different aspects:

-You can't take anything granted. What you have now might not be there forever. Acknowledge it.

-If you don't practice what you are good at you will get rusty. You can't rely on it anymore. 

-Good news. It is never the end of the road. You can always work on bettering yourself and the situations you are in. 

All loops back to one thing in my mind: "I bend, so I don't break". Mentally and physically.

Namaste.

Perks of being a Voyager

The distance whether in terms of miles or emotions I realized is the best tool of self-awareness.

I find myself relieved, relaxed and calm when I distance myself  away from the feelings and people who brings chaos into my life. When these people (or the feelings these people make me feel) trouble the calm waters, I lose the clarity on the things really makes me happy and I enjoy. Then I realize the the uneasy feeling. I don't panic though. However, slowly but surely I step away. One step at a time. Either go away somewhere, spend a day at a favorite spot, go for a run, do yoga... The first few days/weeks of distancing away is a challenge. But at this point I learned that it is a trait I trained myself to be better at for the better or worse. But oh man, once you are over the hill, you pick up speed. And just like magic: poof!

Things get brighter, you are independent and free, you can barely contain your soul of all the excitement small things bring to your life.

One of the best part is you honestly don't care. Don't care if  these people or situations are still around or not, don't care what they think, don't care if they exist. Even better, let them think they had you at your best when they haven't even seen the tip of the iceberg.

Don't Date a Girl Who Travels

Don’t date a girl who travels

Golden State of Mind

As of today it has been a month since I moved to San Francisco. I already feel like I always lived here. You know the feeling you get when you are where you meant to be? It is exactly what I feel. I belong here. I belonged here even before I moved here for good. In each business trip to San Francisco I knew one day I would live here.

I am over the moon that one day happened. Of course the experience you get on your trips and actually living here is different.

First of all, lets get it straight. My hair obviously behaves differently between Irish and Californian weather. I got to learn how to tame it quickly (needed to buy a strong hair dryer!). The second point I got to learn fast was replacing the umbrella I had to carry around all four seasons in Ireland with sunglasses. So, actually sunglasses are more than an accessory here and it finally makes sense that I have 4 pair of sunglasses (and can get even more!).

When it comes to daily life you can't standardize it. There is something new everyday. Many random people, places, events, scenes... So many times when you are walking down on the street which is in no particular area of the city or even popular, you see things that makes you smile. The houses are different than each other, yet in a great harmony. There are paintings on the walls, sidewalks,  balloons, fans, lights, hanging down the trees and electric wires, there is color everywhere in a way that doesn't stick into your eye.

There is variety in this city. In so many aspects, in so many levels. Maybe it all occurs to me because Dublin was a small city compared to a standard city size. It is an island after all. It will always be my tiny, cosy, lucky charm. A place I called home for 4,5 years. A special place in my heart. But the things I have here,  the variety of options and liveliness of the city reassures me that this city is more "me". 

Every neighborhood has a personality. You try to find the best that matches your lifestyle; because you know that will be the first thing people ask you when you meet them. You are identified with it like the color of your eye and your name. So you gotta be careful what you want people to think of you. 

I am excited and hopeful for all the things this city will bring to me. I know I found the one. 

I was out to brunch with my cousin last Saturday right before our furniture and home store marathon for my new apartment and I found how I would summarize this city. It was written on a big white wall. I didn't pay attention at first glance, but when I looked up once again, it did strike my attention and I couldn't have said it better myself:

Goodbye's not forever

 

I said many goodbyes since my childhood. Changed schools, cities, countries. And not once but for the third time now changing the country.

Although this move is so different than others and this move is solely my move, my dream; it still came down to the most difficult part.

In three days I am leaving Ireland for good and starting a new life in San Francisco. I didn't doubt about my decision for a second. However, I will for sure miss Ireland after spending 4,5 years here. I will miss the green, the countless rainbows, seals in Howth, the countryside, the castle in Kildare, the view in Kinsale, random moments of sunshine, crossing Samuel Beckett bridge everyday, the perfect pint of Guinness, and everything about Dublin. Ireland has a big piece in me; I have Irishness deep inside even though I would deny it. At the end, you can take the girl out of Dublin, but you can't take Dublin out of the girl.

But that's not it. What I will miss the most is the people. People I met here in my Irish story. They are from all around the world. They are Korean, Brazilian, Danish, Italian, Irish, Spanish, Turkish, Romanian.

We spent the most important, maybe most conscious years of our lives together. We became confidants, a big family. We supported each other through every difficulty, we became the safety net, we laughed over so many happy moments (and over so many bottles of wine), we completed each other in so many ways. We picked each other up, we push each other up to next level, we saw each other grow, evolve & even leave.

Yes, I will make new friends wherever I go. Yes, I already have good friends over there. But these people in my life are so unique, I can't think of any possible way to replace them. Their place in my heart will always be so different. I fail to find enough words to explain my love for them, for their place in my heart, what they are to me in my life.

I know this is not a goodbye for good. At some place, at some time we will see each other again. We will make it happen. They will still be in my life despite the 8h time difference. I have no doubt.

Then there is a goodbye for an unfinished story in my life. The one that I know won't be in my life against all odds unlike the others I mentioned. The story will be done without the conclusion. It will always be up in the air. But it will be done. Maybe that's why it will be my hardest goodbye.

Last night, over a dinner, one of my dear friend showed me a quotation from a book.

It said: Love stays with us. Even though they are gone from our lives there is an indefinable bond between the two that cannot be untied. 

Knowing this, I will carry the unfinished story in my heart, thinking of it nicely, remembering it each time I have sushi or eat carbonara or drink spritz in a sunny afternoon or every time I go for a run. Knowing this, I know where ever we go around the world, my tie with the people who matters the most will always be there, not even a tiny bit weaker with time.

So yes, the goodbye to my Irish story out of all the goodbyes I had in my life will be the hardest. 

I will miss each of you deeply, everyday. You each know who you are ♥

Sláinte.

My attraversiamo story - First moments in Rome

This is my first note I wrote when I arrived to Rome on last Thursday the 16th of January; part of little travel diaries I keep. But I knew I kind of wrote it to share here. I took some parts out that I wanted to keep only for myself, but the most is there. So here it goes with a little delay.

"I just came to Rome, to where I am staying (piazza del gesu luxury suites, great view by the way). Greeted by this super nice Italian lady. Had my first espresso, and then went out. Really calm and warm weather. 

Mind you, it was around 22:30. Came to a pizza place nearby called Rossopomodoro. Luckily they have free wifi. But more than that they say they have pizza from Naples. Either way Pizza had to be the first thing I order in Italy. So I did, with a glass of white house wine, which came as a dry and little sparkly as my waiter already warned me when I was ordering it. 

Turns out (and probably having the shittiest pizza according to Italians but still) I never had pizza in my life ever before. Turns out it was a big lie I was eating. I was in no carbs diet and high amount of exercise which I just broke with a huge margarita pizza. And I can only say I am glad I did. 

Three months after India, here I am, in Rome, by myself. I feel like i am living a mini version of "Eat Pray Love". Only my version goes as pray, eat (and hopefully) love. But maybe this is even more special. Because it is the first time I am alone for a holiday. Even though my alone holiday will be less than 24 hours, I still feel a weird pleasure. I came earlier than everybody else, for myself. I came to a restaurant having pizza and wine and truly enjoying now. At the end, this is what months of yoga has taught me. 

Right now, I have no worries. I can only feel lucky to have my life. I feel I live. And I will remember not to give this up for anything or anybody. Even though the purpose of this trip to surprise one of my best friends, in this moment, right this moment, it is about me and all this happiness I feel.  

Yet again, people disappoint, but pizza is eternal. (But hope not the calories :))"