Learn to love the ride

As cheesy as it gets life is a roller coaster. So is relationships, career, and love. When you pick up on the speed, it is first scary. You scream your lungs out. Then you realize the excitement and the rush. You get used to the danger and the speed. You enjoy the up. And then there comes the down. Well, its no fun. It feels like they are pulling your body down in an extreme speed while it is still trying to go up. There is a very heavy feeling in your chest and almost crushing your heart. It is not always a steep down. Sometimes its like a little bump that throws you off of your seat slightly. You try to settle back until the next one. That is if you can.

But if you ride the roller coaster over and over again, you don't close your eyes anymore when it is speeding up. A little "whoa" comes between your lips but you won't be screaming like the first time. You are now prepared for the bumps and downs. You position yourself. You know what to do or not to do the next time not to lose your balance.

Your goal might challenge you, running after the dream job might burn you out, the love might emotionally bring you up or bring you down. Nothing in life is actually consistent. Nothing is ever all good at the same time altogether. How you want to roll with this is entirely up to you. I sometimes feel that I am strong and can survive anything; at times feel really tired of all and want a break from life (and all the subset of things). I don't think what to do is a straight forward answer. I can't pretend something is not bothering me when it is eating me up inside. I am not the type of person (unfortunately) who can just ignore things and say fuck it. 

Thats why I am a strong believer in communication. For all the aspects of life. If there is a bump ahead of me at work, it will help me to know what is the situation that sets the dynamics, what are the options, what is the bet. If the relationship with my friends/boyfriend feels like it is lacking something, I prefer to talk the person directly, voice what feels like a problem. Most of the time it turns out what I think is the problem, is not an issue after all; just a communication breakdown. It just requieres clarification.

So if you know there will be a ride in advance, if you at least know what you can expect, know at which turn the crazy upside down part comes up and at which point the roller coaster will go down at the craziest speed, you will set yourself for it. You will know there will be the part you'll enjoy the hell out of it. 

Perks of being a Voyager

The distance whether in terms of miles or emotions I realized is the best tool of self-awareness.

I find myself relieved, relaxed and calm when I distance myself  away from the feelings and people who brings chaos into my life. When these people (or the feelings these people make me feel) trouble the calm waters, I lose the clarity on the things really makes me happy and I enjoy. Then I realize the the uneasy feeling. I don't panic though. However, slowly but surely I step away. One step at a time. Either go away somewhere, spend a day at a favorite spot, go for a run, do yoga... The first few days/weeks of distancing away is a challenge. But at this point I learned that it is a trait I trained myself to be better at for the better or worse. But oh man, once you are over the hill, you pick up speed. And just like magic: poof!

Things get brighter, you are independent and free, you can barely contain your soul of all the excitement small things bring to your life.

One of the best part is you honestly don't care. Don't care if  these people or situations are still around or not, don't care what they think, don't care if they exist. Even better, let them think they had you at your best when they haven't even seen the tip of the iceberg.

Golden State of Mind

As of today it has been a month since I moved to San Francisco. I already feel like I always lived here. You know the feeling you get when you are where you meant to be? It is exactly what I feel. I belong here. I belonged here even before I moved here for good. In each business trip to San Francisco I knew one day I would live here.

I am over the moon that one day happened. Of course the experience you get on your trips and actually living here is different.

First of all, lets get it straight. My hair obviously behaves differently between Irish and Californian weather. I got to learn how to tame it quickly (needed to buy a strong hair dryer!). The second point I got to learn fast was replacing the umbrella I had to carry around all four seasons in Ireland with sunglasses. So, actually sunglasses are more than an accessory here and it finally makes sense that I have 4 pair of sunglasses (and can get even more!).

When it comes to daily life you can't standardize it. There is something new everyday. Many random people, places, events, scenes... So many times when you are walking down on the street which is in no particular area of the city or even popular, you see things that makes you smile. The houses are different than each other, yet in a great harmony. There are paintings on the walls, sidewalks,  balloons, fans, lights, hanging down the trees and electric wires, there is color everywhere in a way that doesn't stick into your eye.

There is variety in this city. In so many aspects, in so many levels. Maybe it all occurs to me because Dublin was a small city compared to a standard city size. It is an island after all. It will always be my tiny, cosy, lucky charm. A place I called home for 4,5 years. A special place in my heart. But the things I have here,  the variety of options and liveliness of the city reassures me that this city is more "me". 

Every neighborhood has a personality. You try to find the best that matches your lifestyle; because you know that will be the first thing people ask you when you meet them. You are identified with it like the color of your eye and your name. So you gotta be careful what you want people to think of you. 

I am excited and hopeful for all the things this city will bring to me. I know I found the one. 

I was out to brunch with my cousin last Saturday right before our furniture and home store marathon for my new apartment and I found how I would summarize this city. It was written on a big white wall. I didn't pay attention at first glance, but when I looked up once again, it did strike my attention and I couldn't have said it better myself:

Not all who wander are lost

When there are so many things going on your life, in different levels of your life, it is like a roller coaster of emotions. I don't think I should try to contain them, rather surf on these waves. Looking at my childhood I was never constrained with limits thanks to my parents. We moved to a different city when I was 10. Maybe it was the first of many major changes that would come through. Maybe leaving my childhood friends, my house, the streets that I play and the palm trees behind is what made me quite adaptable person.

I got used taking the leap and know that net appears as I go along. If something looks scary, it becomes even more tempting for me. I might be hurt if I do it, I might not fit in (not that it ever happened:), I might be challenged until all settles. But how would I know if it is the right decision if I never make it.

Change scares people. For a person who can easily get attached to things emotionally like me, I am also scared of being ordinary, being boring. I follow my feelings most of the time. In the head vs heart game, my heart always wins. It gets me into trouble, it gets broken; but it is me, it is what makes me. It is also what got me where I am now. If I were to just follow logical patterns, I don't think I would be where I am right now. 

And the important thing that I am proud of is not being where I am now, but being happy with it. Happy that I fell, I struggled, I went to top and to bottom, got hurt, laughed and cried for hours, found myself on so many random days, nights, events. At the end of the day I make it work for me. I even feel blessed to have my life with all its hardships and joys.

Just a desk move triggered this post. I guess this is my 6th or 7th desk in 3 years including different buildings. I feel this is definitely not the last one.

Then I see people who are not ready for new things, moves, relationships, love, job. In fact, I know couple people like this and their stagnant point of views feels like winter on a hot summer day on the beach. But, if not now, then when?

Priorities: Do What Really Matters

 

So, I am a hard-working person who is really passionate about what she does and her company. I do my job in the best possible way and look ways to improve myself and climb up the stairs of my career. 2 years ago, if you asked me, I would say the most important thing in my life is my career. I don't know if it is to do with age, maturity, experiences or new point of view, my thoughts changed.

I still love my job and feel passionate about it. I am extremely excited what is yet to come in the next couple of months. But. There is a but. I now feel that career is nothing if you are not living the life out there. If you are not watching the sunset, not sharing drinks and laughing over stories with friends, not dancing till morning, not having a nice dinner with your family, not jumping into the sea from the pier, not having sushi and vanilla ice cream nights, not going for a run...

There is a whole life out there and what you can do is limitless. I recently read a very short article from former CEO of Coca-Cola Bryon Dyson which hit me in the heart. It basically says out of work, family, health, friends and spirit the only replaceable one is work. If the others are broken, you cannot mend them. However, you can always work. You can always earn some money to live. You can pick it up where you left.

With this I am even more inspired to live, experience what I haven't yet, enjoy new things, have more fun, fall in love, create memories. Then work and my career would (hopefully) be even richer with this. I am not saying, quit your job. I am just saying remember the life outside of it. Career can't complete you, living does.

Looking Forward

So I realized (especially lately) I am always counting down for something. Counting down for a holiday, counting down for a girls night out, counting down for sushi & vanilla ice cream nights, counting down for the launch event of a project... List goes on and on. With everything going on, I am stopping myself once in a while and looking back. Here is what I am feeling:

Wow, how the hell time passed this quickly... and how full of laughter, happiness, events, celebrations, partying and traveling of it. Do I want to stop? Certainly not. Looking forward to travels, things, feelings, dates, girls nights, kisses and texts is what makes it this valuable and priceless. Only trick here is to stop. Not to stop looking forward. But stopping to realize what is going on without questioning, worrying, details and enjoying the moment. Realize your feelings, the sun on your skin, the breeze as you are running, the moment makes you smile, taste of that delicious food, laughter you are sharing.

At the end, it is good be a free soul, not making plans, and living the moment as long as you know how far you can stretch.

Stop Looking Forward Now, Enjoy the Now

A whole week passed and I neglected my dear blog. So what goes in my mind nowadays is counting down the days. Counting down the days for my dear friend to come back, for going on to holiday...

The fact is we always (or sometimes) look forward to some things. But what happens then is time passes each time more and more rapidly. Life goes on without noticing, without you enjoying the moment long enough. Then I decide that it is unfair, it is meaningless to live. Don't get me wrong, I am not depressed or anything. I really love my life; just wish we didn't have to let go of the things we like, people we love, moments we enjoy...

After enjoying couple days of summer in Dublin, we are back on the track with clouds and rain. Could be that making me say these; but I have been thinking about this at nights before I go to sleep. Apparently growing up as not fun at all at some point...Should have enjoyed more the times I was younger without any responsibilities (other than school) and any worries about life.