Goodbye's not forever

 

I said many goodbyes since my childhood. Changed schools, cities, countries. And not once but for the third time now changing the country.

Although this move is so different than others and this move is solely my move, my dream; it still came down to the most difficult part.

In three days I am leaving Ireland for good and starting a new life in San Francisco. I didn't doubt about my decision for a second. However, I will for sure miss Ireland after spending 4,5 years here. I will miss the green, the countless rainbows, seals in Howth, the countryside, the castle in Kildare, the view in Kinsale, random moments of sunshine, crossing Samuel Beckett bridge everyday, the perfect pint of Guinness, and everything about Dublin. Ireland has a big piece in me; I have Irishness deep inside even though I would deny it. At the end, you can take the girl out of Dublin, but you can't take Dublin out of the girl.

But that's not it. What I will miss the most is the people. People I met here in my Irish story. They are from all around the world. They are Korean, Brazilian, Danish, Italian, Irish, Spanish, Turkish, Romanian.

We spent the most important, maybe most conscious years of our lives together. We became confidants, a big family. We supported each other through every difficulty, we became the safety net, we laughed over so many happy moments (and over so many bottles of wine), we completed each other in so many ways. We picked each other up, we push each other up to next level, we saw each other grow, evolve & even leave.

Yes, I will make new friends wherever I go. Yes, I already have good friends over there. But these people in my life are so unique, I can't think of any possible way to replace them. Their place in my heart will always be so different. I fail to find enough words to explain my love for them, for their place in my heart, what they are to me in my life.

I know this is not a goodbye for good. At some place, at some time we will see each other again. We will make it happen. They will still be in my life despite the 8h time difference. I have no doubt.

Then there is a goodbye for an unfinished story in my life. The one that I know won't be in my life against all odds unlike the others I mentioned. The story will be done without the conclusion. It will always be up in the air. But it will be done. Maybe that's why it will be my hardest goodbye.

Last night, over a dinner, one of my dear friend showed me a quotation from a book.

It said: Love stays with us. Even though they are gone from our lives there is an indefinable bond between the two that cannot be untied. 

Knowing this, I will carry the unfinished story in my heart, thinking of it nicely, remembering it each time I have sushi or eat carbonara or drink spritz in a sunny afternoon or every time I go for a run. Knowing this, I know where ever we go around the world, my tie with the people who matters the most will always be there, not even a tiny bit weaker with time.

So yes, the goodbye to my Irish story out of all the goodbyes I had in my life will be the hardest. 

I will miss each of you deeply, everyday. You each know who you are ♥

Sláinte.

My attraversiamo story - First moments in Rome

This is my first note I wrote when I arrived to Rome on last Thursday the 16th of January; part of little travel diaries I keep. But I knew I kind of wrote it to share here. I took some parts out that I wanted to keep only for myself, but the most is there. So here it goes with a little delay.

"I just came to Rome, to where I am staying (piazza del gesu luxury suites, great view by the way). Greeted by this super nice Italian lady. Had my first espresso, and then went out. Really calm and warm weather. 

Mind you, it was around 22:30. Came to a pizza place nearby called Rossopomodoro. Luckily they have free wifi. But more than that they say they have pizza from Naples. Either way Pizza had to be the first thing I order in Italy. So I did, with a glass of white house wine, which came as a dry and little sparkly as my waiter already warned me when I was ordering it. 

Turns out (and probably having the shittiest pizza according to Italians but still) I never had pizza in my life ever before. Turns out it was a big lie I was eating. I was in no carbs diet and high amount of exercise which I just broke with a huge margarita pizza. And I can only say I am glad I did. 

Three months after India, here I am, in Rome, by myself. I feel like i am living a mini version of "Eat Pray Love". Only my version goes as pray, eat (and hopefully) love. But maybe this is even more special. Because it is the first time I am alone for a holiday. Even though my alone holiday will be less than 24 hours, I still feel a weird pleasure. I came earlier than everybody else, for myself. I came to a restaurant having pizza and wine and truly enjoying now. At the end, this is what months of yoga has taught me. 

Right now, I have no worries. I can only feel lucky to have my life. I feel I live. And I will remember not to give this up for anything or anybody. Even though the purpose of this trip to surprise one of my best friends, in this moment, right this moment, it is about me and all this happiness I feel.  

Yet again, people disappoint, but pizza is eternal. (But hope not the calories :))"

Not all who wander are lost

When there are so many things going on your life, in different levels of your life, it is like a roller coaster of emotions. I don't think I should try to contain them, rather surf on these waves. Looking at my childhood I was never constrained with limits thanks to my parents. We moved to a different city when I was 10. Maybe it was the first of many major changes that would come through. Maybe leaving my childhood friends, my house, the streets that I play and the palm trees behind is what made me quite adaptable person.

I got used taking the leap and know that net appears as I go along. If something looks scary, it becomes even more tempting for me. I might be hurt if I do it, I might not fit in (not that it ever happened:), I might be challenged until all settles. But how would I know if it is the right decision if I never make it.

Change scares people. For a person who can easily get attached to things emotionally like me, I am also scared of being ordinary, being boring. I follow my feelings most of the time. In the head vs heart game, my heart always wins. It gets me into trouble, it gets broken; but it is me, it is what makes me. It is also what got me where I am now. If I were to just follow logical patterns, I don't think I would be where I am right now. 

And the important thing that I am proud of is not being where I am now, but being happy with it. Happy that I fell, I struggled, I went to top and to bottom, got hurt, laughed and cried for hours, found myself on so many random days, nights, events. At the end of the day I make it work for me. I even feel blessed to have my life with all its hardships and joys.

Just a desk move triggered this post. I guess this is my 6th or 7th desk in 3 years including different buildings. I feel this is definitely not the last one.

Then I see people who are not ready for new things, moves, relationships, love, job. In fact, I know couple people like this and their stagnant point of views feels like winter on a hot summer day on the beach. But, if not now, then when?

Priorities: Do What Really Matters

 

So, I am a hard-working person who is really passionate about what she does and her company. I do my job in the best possible way and look ways to improve myself and climb up the stairs of my career. 2 years ago, if you asked me, I would say the most important thing in my life is my career. I don't know if it is to do with age, maturity, experiences or new point of view, my thoughts changed.

I still love my job and feel passionate about it. I am extremely excited what is yet to come in the next couple of months. But. There is a but. I now feel that career is nothing if you are not living the life out there. If you are not watching the sunset, not sharing drinks and laughing over stories with friends, not dancing till morning, not having a nice dinner with your family, not jumping into the sea from the pier, not having sushi and vanilla ice cream nights, not going for a run...

There is a whole life out there and what you can do is limitless. I recently read a very short article from former CEO of Coca-Cola Bryon Dyson which hit me in the heart. It basically says out of work, family, health, friends and spirit the only replaceable one is work. If the others are broken, you cannot mend them. However, you can always work. You can always earn some money to live. You can pick it up where you left.

With this I am even more inspired to live, experience what I haven't yet, enjoy new things, have more fun, fall in love, create memories. Then work and my career would (hopefully) be even richer with this. I am not saying, quit your job. I am just saying remember the life outside of it. Career can't complete you, living does.

Looking Forward

So I realized (especially lately) I am always counting down for something. Counting down for a holiday, counting down for a girls night out, counting down for sushi & vanilla ice cream nights, counting down for the launch event of a project... List goes on and on. With everything going on, I am stopping myself once in a while and looking back. Here is what I am feeling:

Wow, how the hell time passed this quickly... and how full of laughter, happiness, events, celebrations, partying and traveling of it. Do I want to stop? Certainly not. Looking forward to travels, things, feelings, dates, girls nights, kisses and texts is what makes it this valuable and priceless. Only trick here is to stop. Not to stop looking forward. But stopping to realize what is going on without questioning, worrying, details and enjoying the moment. Realize your feelings, the sun on your skin, the breeze as you are running, the moment makes you smile, taste of that delicious food, laughter you are sharing.

At the end, it is good be a free soul, not making plans, and living the moment as long as you know how far you can stretch.

Friday, Holiday & Happiness

I woke up super happy today. I put on a summery dress, went out walking in the sunny weather to work. Got croissants for myself and friends from the Italian bakery in the corner. Came work and started working. Tasks and projects seems to be easily flying away with my mood. 

I don't know if it is because I am already done with most of my packing one day in advance of my travel (for the first time!), the dinner date I have tonight, or maybe simply it is Friday. Or it is the combination of all.

I am thinking how can I have more days like this. Is it the external conditions that sets this cheerful girl inside of me? Or does it come deep within? I think one should be able to make it come from inside which in turn will effect the outside factors.

If you are not a happy person inside, if you cannot find happiness inside by yourself, no matter what happens around you, it wouldn't be ever enough for you. You would maybe be more materialistic. Finding that point inside is not an easy one. Comes with a lot of experiences, listening to yourself, knowing what you really want. And no. I haven't been able to keep that everyday. I don't think it is human to be that optimistic. Nothing is that pink in real life. It is just the matter of remembering that you are the control of your happiness even in times it seems out of your hands.

I can't wait for tonight, I can't wait for tomorrow. I will be toes in the sand, sun in my hand as of tomorrow, breathing the sea breeze.

Cheers to that! And Happy Friday!

Everything Happens for a Reason

Things change fast. Things change fast in a good way. One second feels like million years and it feels dark. The next is very bright. Then you appreciate the darkness. Relief. Serenity. Feeling like living again. Loving every moment, every second. 

Just take a deep breath. Close your eyes. Enjoy the scene, happiness and love you feel deep in your heart. Get lost in it.